Its been a minute folks, we went across the country since I last hit yall on this right here. Tour was great and we got plenty stories to tell on that tip, but this here is something different.
Since we’ve been crammed in the mini van so much this past month and a half we’ve bumped a lot of tunage, not all, but the majority of which has been hiphop and we’ve noticed that a lot of talented artists have some weak moments where they slip up and put forth some suspect lyricism. We find these dips in creativity to be quite amusing and we thought it’d be fun to share. So with that said, KIDS are excited to introduce to you, the inaugural;
“Suspect Lyricism Countdown”
The contents herein are foul, filthy, coarse, crude, despicable and disgusting. Keep children away and/or keep the ear muffs (eye muffs?) close! There are bad words. A few. So if you’re sensitive, read no further……
“Y’all are traveling the bum route”
This is a classic Paz line among the crew, we basically threw it in because it’s on OG when it comes to suspect lyrics. Da fuk is the bum route? Is it just off the Hershey Highway? Just seems like a half assed diss 😉 C’mon Vinnie, don’t take the bum route when you’re writing lyrics, you’re better than that.
At #9 we got Sean Price
“Innard, Lynard Skinner, why did I say that?”
Why did you say that Sean ? I suppose it’s a plus that he is already questioning himself on his suspect moment, but the question he has asked still remains. I mean, if you’re aware enough to ask it why not change it? Could be a freestyle but why not just freestyle more. I wish you cared more Sean, because thats all that’s really going on here, Sean Price did not give one flying ninja fuck about how this song turned out.
At #8 we got Beanie Siegel
“I stay on a mission with whores”
Doing what Beanie? Pimpin’? Maybe you are referring to your posse as whores? Or do you mean on a mission to get whores, as in you are looking to scoop more girls, get laid? Kus if so, you might be more successful if you don’t refer to them as whores. Anyways, we just don’t get it, what kind of beat down, broke ass, wannabe super hero goes out on his mission with a bunch of whores? Where’s Black Dynamite? Or maybe the best question is; what kind of missions does Beanie Siegel go on?
At #7 we got Drake
“I know way too many people here right now that I didn’t know last year; who the fuck are y’all?”
Drake must be confused. Or maybe he has some really quick amnesia, because he just said he knew a lot of people wherever he is, so I don’t understand how he could possibly follow that up by asking who they are. He says he didn’t know them last year, which to me implies that he knows them now. This is like me approaching Drake and saying “Hi Drake, who are you?” so maybe he’s posing a more existential question? If that’s the case then thats deep Drake, real deep.
At #6 we got Jay Rock
“My homeboy just domed a nigga”
Talk about suspect. Now maybe this is the spoiled white kid showing face and I totally get that he’s referring to gun shots, but do you really have to use such homo-erotic terminology to tell us about this shooting? How about ‘my friend just shot a man’ it’s not quite as hip and is very plain in the phrasing with no slang, but at least I’m not wondering whether your friend just sucked a dick or not. Just sayin’
At #5 we got Lil Wayne
“K Y no homo, I’m on it”
Wayne is clearly the greatest rapper alive. I just have no idea what the fuck he is talking about.
At #4 we got Royce da 5’9
“Faggots only attract faggots and that’s that”
Theres two problems here. First of all, gay men have been attracted to straight men and straight men have been attracted to lesbians and I bet you there’s been some lesbians attracted to some feminine ass looking men, and I bet that some suspect straight males have been attracted to some feminine ass looking fags before too. Point is, faggots don’t only attract faggots, that is far from how the law of attraction works. Second problem is that there is nothing more annoying than people who are aggressively adamant about the correctness of their error. “And that’s that”. No Royce, just kus you’re a stubborn bigot doesn’t mean that that’s that by any means, in fact you’re fucking wrong. And that’s that. This lyric makes no sense and it’s so stupid it annoys me, but I laugh it off. Oh the authority Royce da 5’9 possess’s. Don’t get me wrong, I like Royce, one of my all time favorite songs is his ‘King of Kings’ but this is just dumb.
Now for the top 3 Suspect Lyrics encountered on tour…
Big Noyd with
“I’m hot like a bitch”
Too funny. I get it, a bitch is a female dog in ‘heat’. He’s hot like a bitch, get it? He’s being clever. Big Noyds a clever little guy. I love this one. It’s kind of cute.
Immortal Technique with
“I don’t give a motherfuck, you can get your mother fucked”
A high level lyricist with a great cause in life and this is what you have to tell us?
Basically if you don’t join Technique’s revolutionary movement he’ll rape your mother. Or maybe he’ll seduce her. I could imagine some mothers get pretty turned on listening to Dance With The Devil. He’s always been a sexual figure in hip hop.
In all seriousness though, it’s quite a disappointing and contradicting thing to be heard from someone who wants to change the world and make it a better place. Stay away from my mom man, I woulda introduced you, I woulda, but that day has passed.
And the moment we’ve all been waiting for…
“First two words I ever learnt. Cock and squeeze”
Someone please find out what the 3rd n 4th words were. Please! Wait, I don’t wanna know. Yes I do. No I don’t! Oh Jadakiss, the origin of your name is such a curiosity!
Now again, I get it. You’re gangsta’ and you’re talking about guns. But man, did you think this through? Take a moment…………………………………….. Right. Shoulda thought more. Please teach your children better first words because mine will make fun of yours if you don’t and I really don’t want that to happen. See kids, this is a lesson for you, when you front like you’re too cool, you end up looking like a fool. Kiss is a pretty cool guy and this quote here, it’s timeless, but only because it’s one of the funniest and dumbest things someone could ever say. He’s had better moments